October 2009
1 post
I'm Gonna Do Your Mom, Loser →
August 2009
1 post
“Though we scored on a 1-to-5 scale, this earned a negative five million. It...”
– In this Serious Eats comparison of Non-Cow Milks referring to Hemp Milk. The irony of it is that it seems like the comment is making a subtle burn to hippies, but hippies seem to be the one standard group (along with the lactose intolerant) who’d be really down with drinking milk from things...
July 2009
2 posts
“So basically after we recover from a massive solar storm that destroys our...”
– Annalee Newitz from this io9 post. Basically to get the burn you have to read the whole piece, which you should do anyways, because it absolutely cracks me up. io9 always rockin’ the quality geekery … I love it!
June 2009
2 posts
“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Paramount Pictures), Michael Bay’s...”
– Dana Stevens’ Slate.com review of “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.” Shit, between Ebert’s review and Ms. Stevens’ serious burns Michael Bay must seriously be on fire. Also, did Ms. Stevens proceed to burn the American consumer as well? Damn.
I just want to say,...
“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (PG-13, 149 minutes). A horrible experience...”
– From Roger Ebert’s review of “Transformers: revenge of the Fallen” . Roger Ebert is probably my favorite movie reviewer because in general I think he is fair and he is also an amazing writer. Every once and awhile he really dislikes a film and he has no qualms as all about...
May 2009
4 posts
“OK, here’s where I start complaining. All the reinventing and...”
– Lev Grossman on the problems with all Star Trek villains.
“I’m not sure Twitter could convince me to buy any hardware, except maybe a...”
– Carolina McCarthy in this CNET article. albeit not the greatest burn ever (if even a burn really) but the thought of punishing Kutcher for his over-exuberant twittering sounds like a good time to me. Though water balloons may be too tame. How about dirty sock filled with slimy oatmeal?
WatchThe best burns kind of burn … the kind which burn Trekkies
“Yes, I’m sure that watching the old guy who was your mentor - for like two whole...”
– Purely hypothetical (yet hilarious) Princess Leia dialog as appearing on this blog. Honestly folks, this is a piece of pure “a burn” genius. So spiteful. I love it!
April 2009
3 posts
“Nickelback : Michelob Ultra — They say it’s rock and roll; we call it...”
– From this DRAFT Magazine article comparing rocks bands to beers. Such a wondrous burn.
“A monotonous, shallow and inarticulate character, used as a story device linking...”
– Roger Ebert in this review of “X-Men Origins: Wolverine.” While I will credit Ebert in the sense that he is probably correct, I would like to remind him that if Wolverine were real, he would probably have little qualms about claw slicing the fuck out of the reviewer.
“Apologies to residents of the Lower East Side; Williamsburg, Brooklyn; and other...”
– Oh snap! Such a burn. Via this article by Melena Ryzik in the NY Times. It seems of late I have been reading a lot of aggression toward the whole hipster culture (or lack there of), it makes me slightly uncomfortable, especially considering I have been described as a hipster by some. I must...
March 2009
2 posts
“I reserve the right to consider it idiotic to live in a tent on a sidewalk for...”
– Roger Ebert in response to an angry letter
February 2009
1 post
“… and the other was a defunct Soviet communications satellite (is there...”
– Lev Grossman, in this short piece talking about a recent satellite collision. It is funny because those Soviet’s were so wacky with their satellites and their lack of maintenance.
January 2009
5 posts
“Why is it that so many of us feel it is possible to say Billy Joel is—well—just...”
– Ron Rosenbaum in this article on Slate.com. Really you should read the entire piece as it is one long and scathing burn. It is hilarious and I don’t even foster that much vehemence for Billy Joel (a little now and then but I have always kind of liked “Piano Man”).
“wow…the first lady and Cheney’s harpy are getting booed.”
– From Evan, on reporting the happenings of Obama’s Inauguration
December 2008
4 posts
“Record stores should have a section called Retarded Reggae, and this album...”
– From this long extended burn to Jason Mraz and his song “I’m Yours.” I am also pretty fond of the comment “Let’s see… When was scatting cool? Hmmm… Right! Like eighty years ago.”
Rooms of the George W. Bush Presidential Library →
I love it … very clever
“It appears that the washed-up pseudo-Christian cock-rockers will bring their...”
– Appearing on this post from Rolling Stone’s Smoking Section, reporting that the band Creed is discussing a possible 2009 reunion tour. It’s funny because Creed sucks.
“If you’re on MySpace now, you’re a (expletive) cretin”
– Michael Wolff, author of “The Man Who Owns the News” a Rupert Murdoch biography.
November 2008
3 posts
The Matrix Runs on Windows →
October 2008
8 posts
“The Good: It might make you smile the first time you play with it.
The Bad:...”
– Justin Blenkle, on his review of the Android App Krystle II
Top Ten Worst Team Names in College Football →
Just good stuff … Gamecocks are the #2 worst team name on this list … Go Clemson Tigers!
“Everyone knows that Paddington is a Commie-terrorist bear.”
– Erick Schonfeld commenting on Google recognizing Paddington Bear’s 50th birthday but not Columbus Day.
“MYSPACE MUSIC LETS YOU LISTEN TO PRETTY MUCH EVERY SONG EVER RECORDED, AND IT...”
– The subtitle of a Slate.com article entitled “Everything Means Nothing to Me”
September 2008
5 posts
“After two years of seeing Justin Long’s Mac tweak John Hodgman’s PC,...”
– Farhad Manjoo, in this wonderful article in praise of Microsoft’s new ad campaign.
“If you don’t know Gervais from the original Brit TV version of The Office...”
– Peter Travers in his review of “Ghost Town”
“A pit bull with lipstick? I’d describe Palin as a hog who recommends diet...”
– Timothy Noah in the article “Sarah Palin, Hypocrite” on Slate.com. Shit! I’ve found a number of pretty good burns against Palin but I think this one might be one of the cruelest slams.
August 2008
11 posts
“Google’s calculator has some trouble handling math with some large...”
– From this article on Webware
Madonna Show Seems to Compare McCain to Hitler and...
Shit! Admittedly I don’t care for McCain all that much but even I wouldn’t go this far.
“This is about 3 minutes too long and sounds like a medley of riffs from their...”
– A comment in regards to Metallica’s new single “The Day That Never Comes”
“And not just an idiot. I’ve seen you in person, Orson. You’re fat. And rich. How...”
– Michael Swaim, in an article appearing on Cracked.com criticizing author Orson Scott Card for his homophobic world views. Thank you Evan for pointing me to this righteous burn.
Personal Note: “The Ender Cycle” novels by Card are ranked as one of my favorite series of all times, but,...
WatchAbsolute genius! As somebody who often gets frustrated with Twitter I cannot help but enjoy this video. Brought to my attention via TechCruch (watch for the TechCrunch burn in the video, quite great).
“predecessor to our own popular iSuppository.”
– John Biggs on TechCrunch in response to the most Expensive iPhone App.
Note: While not an MD myself I will say that it is probably medically unadvisable to stick your iPhone up your rectum regardless of how big an asshole you are.