A Burn!

Sometimes people just get right down to it with the perfect insult. There is nothing petty about it, it strikes a true chord, all around it is an utter and perfect burn. This is a place to give praise to skillful slams.

Oct 28, 2009 10:44am

I'm Gonna Do Your Mom, Loser

Aug 4, 2009 9:38am
“ Though we scored on a 1-to-5 scale, this earned a negative five million. It tastes like rope. Gray with unappetizing flecks, hemp milk, like hemp necklaces, should be avoided. ” -

In this Serious Eats comparison of Non-Cow Milks referring to Hemp Milk.  The irony of it is that it seems like the comment is making a subtle burn to hippies, but hippies seem to be the one standard group (along with the lactose intolerant) who’d be really down with drinking milk from things like oats and almonds and shit (I can’t have to big a problem with soy milk as it definitely has it’s place and time).

Furthermore I should add the disclaimer that during my college years, I was definitely a hemp necklaces/bracelets/anklets wearer.  Along with corduroys, flannel shirts, and long nappy hair.  Real crunchy granola like.  I kind of sucked back then. 
Jul 27, 2009 12:39pm
via the wonderful Left-Handed Toons.  I love any burn that burns Mr. M. Night Shyamalan because, just accept it, his movies usually suck.

via the wonderful Left-Handed Toons.  I love any burn that burns Mr. M. Night Shyamalan because, just accept it, his movies usually suck.
Jul 2, 2009 4:47pm
“ So basically after we recover from a massive solar storm that destroys our atmosphere, kills all our communications satellites, and takes down the power grid, we’re going to awaken our potential. Because we’re all going to be protected by an ethereal shell, which is like +10 armor that protects against photonic incursion. ” - Annalee Newitz from this io9 post.  Basically to get the burn you have to read the whole piece, which you should do anyways, because it absolutely cracks me up.  io9 always rockin’ the quality geekery … I love it!
Jun 24, 2009 10:22am
“ Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Paramount Pictures), Michael Bay’s latest bid to bludgeon audiences into dulled submission, is the reductio ad absurdum of a summer blockbuster. It is loud (boom!), long (two and a half hours!), incoherent (poorly explained intergalactic warfare!), leering (Megan Fox in short shorts!), racist (jive-talkin’ robot twins!), and rife with product tie-ins (Chevy! Hasbro!) Transformers will also pack audiences into theaters with the ruthless efficiency of a Decepticon, one of the evil mega-robots who battle the good-guy Autobots for the length (let me repeat: 2.5 hours) of this nerve-crushing excruciation. John Yoo would not be able to draft a memo excusing the torment this movie inflicts on its audience, yet tens of millions of us will line up to shovel money at it this weekend. God bless America. ” -

Dana Stevens’ Slate.com review of “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.” Shit, between Ebert’s review and Ms. Stevens’ serious burns Michael Bay must seriously be on fire.  Also, did Ms. Stevens proceed to burn the American consumer as well?  Damn.

I just want to say, I didn’t see the first Transformers movie until it was out on DVD and personally I thought it was pretty shitty.  I mean it was nice to see one of my favorite childhood toys/cartoons realized in live action film, but really it was just a stupid overly loud action movie.  I can only imainge that “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” is much of the same … only shitier
Jun 24, 2009 10:11am
“ Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (PG-13, 149 minutes). A horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments. One of these involves a dog-like robot humping the leg of the heroine. If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination. One star. ” - From Roger Ebert’s review of “Transformers: revenge of the Fallen” . Roger Ebert is probably my favorite movie reviewer because in general I think he is fair and he is also an amazing writer. Every once and awhile he really dislikes a film and he has no qualms as all about ripping it a new one, much as above.
May 15, 2009 10:38am
“ OK, here’s where I start complaining. All the reinventing and reinvigorating that’s going on is good, better than good, grat. But why, oh why, can’t they come up with a decent villain? Every single movie they 1) hire a decent actor, 2) make him look a little weird with tattoos and prosthetics, 3) give him some weird grudge and a dimly lit spaceship and tell him to growl a lot. The End. ” - Lev Grossman on the problems with all Star Trek villains.
May 6, 2009 11:29am
“ I’m not sure Twitter could convince me to buy any hardware, except maybe a water balloon to carry around in the hopes that maybe I could lob it at annoyingly Twitter-happy Ashton Kutcher. ” - Carolina McCarthy in this CNET article.  albeit not the greatest burn ever (if even a burn really) but the thought of punishing Kutcher for his over-exuberant twittering sounds like a good time to me.  Though water balloons may be too tame.  How about dirty sock filled with slimy oatmeal?
May 5, 2009 10:14pm

The best burns kind of burn … the kind which burn Trekkies
May 4, 2009 3:50pm
“ Yes, I’m sure that watching the old guy who was your mentor - for like two whole days - get sliced in half by a lightsaber is pretty traumatic. Did I mention that yesterday I watched my homeworld and everyone on it, including the family that raised me, get blown to bits? But hey, you’re the hero, so let me comfort you in your moment of grief. ” - Purely hypothetical (yet hilarious) Princess Leia dialog as appearing on this blog.  Honestly folks, this is a piece of pure “a burn” genius.  So spiteful.  I love it!
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